Last night wasn't any fun

OK...I've mentioned before...I tend to like a bit of control in my life...and working out is no different. Last night I worked out...I went by myself cos Mike had to stay home and get some work done round the house. This blog is mostly so I can voice why I had an issue last night. The longer I stew about it the more annoyed I get. So it's time I do this and get it off my chest so I can go ahead and enjoy the rest of my weekend...lol....Party tomorrow night...Wooohooo! Hopefully we're doing dinner with Nikky and her fam tonight and playing some rockband...that's if they get back safely from Austin.

OK...so last night...I get there early of course to do my cardio workout. I did 45 on treadmill, 30 on Elliptical, and 10 again on Treadmill. Total of 750 calories burned. Go Me! (And I have contemplated maybe I'm doing too much prior to meeting with Wade and that's putting me in a pissy mood from the get-go with him...who knows...but with the time schedule...it's the only way we can really get the cardio in.)

So I thought I was feeling good. It's 7pm and I go to meet up with Wade. And I know he's probably a little concerned bout going one on one with me...and I get that...I come off gruff...so I think he tried to take the offensive and be positive and announce to me..."You are not allowed to quit today!" And to some that is inspiration and is challenging...to me...and my personality...it puts me on the defensive and makes me wanna go back to the locker room to get my shit and go. We bantered back and forth a bit and he whittled it down to He would like it if I didn't quit today. So I started off. Did an arm workout and then he wanted me to do step knee lifts on a step higher than I've done before...when I had to held onto the bar for support so I didn't fall...he looked on disapprovingly. I didn't do another set of those. I went back and did 2 more sets of the Arm things. We did some other stuff...I don't remember it all...my head was getting fuzzy cos I was still annoyed.

And yes...before you ask...I know his job is to train me and push me to get into shape. I just don't deal well with being pushed. Which is why it's taken me this long to get to the point where I am with a trainer and working out in a gym. And yes...I know that me not doing the workouts to his liking isn't hurting him...it's only hurting myself. I'm not a complete idiot.

We did have some decent conversation and I calmed down a bit. We talked bout how much fun Mikey was having and where he was planning on going with his workout and such. We even compared hunting stories and joked of his need to get a concealed gun license cos of crazies like me.

Well we get to the end of our time. He has me doing some arm and back exercise with a 15 pound bar...not heavy...but my back isn't tolerating to that great so I stop in the first set. I finish the set with a modified version of the exercise. Then it was holding the bar, one overhand grip, the other underhand, doing squats and rotating the bar when you come up. I did the left hand side first...barely was able to finish 8...then on to the right...at 4, my right bicep said I don't F*cking think so and I set the bar down. Sorry I listen very closely to my body. Wade tried very hard to make me finish that set...wasn't happening.I set the bar down on it's end and when he wouldn't stop trying to make me finish I took my hand off the bar...now I did not mean for it to head in his direction but it did...luckily he has fast reflexes otherwise that might have hurt him pretty bad...it would have hit right in the jewels. after he caught it and had the look of shock and was saying..."What if I hadn't caught that, Audrey?" over and over...I laughed very heartily. I know...I'm an awful person isn't a valid cop-out but I was done for the night.

I couldn't take anymore. He put me on the offensive from the start, he at one point "Shhh'd" me...and all the disapproving looks and comments...I was done. I signed my name on his done sheet and left. As I drove home I just got angrier. Isn't working out supposed to give you feel good endorphins? Somedays it does for me...others...it makes me a very ticked off woman. Maybe it's hormones. I don't know. I was forced to self medicate to calm myself down when I got home.

So long story short...I don't do well at being put on the defensive, telling me I can't do something is not a good approach to make me productive, & I did NOT have a fun time last night. We'll see how Monday goes. I may just let Mike finish out our paid for spots and just do cardio while he does or go hang with Nikky...Last night really put a bad taste in my mouth...and maybe it's hormones and I'll be all hunky dory on Monday...who knows. I just hope Wade reads this so we don't have a repeat. It's just not in my personality to give in...it's just not.

And again...yes I know I'm whiny and special needs...but that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon. And yes I know if I stop working out I'm only hurting myself...but there are other places to do my working out too... Last night was not fun...

OK...on to happy thoughts for tonight and the weekend!

Can Wade handle me all on my own?

OK...so it's Thursday...It's a work out day and I get to go alone today. Mike is at home taking care of stuff I wanted done before the party...mowing and organizing the outside and such. So I have nothing holding me back on being able to torture Wade! Wooohooo! Are you ready Wade? I don't think you are. LOL

So work out was fine yesterday...Wade pushed us both...gave Mike a lot more weight to work on and it really had him sweating. He's upping his game on us and expects us to do the same...lol...I still laugh. So we were getting close to the time to be done and I wanted to do some ab work outs. I had a specific one in mind...Wade had other plans...So I let Mikey try it to see how hard it would be...and yeah...I walked away from it. I went and did the ab coaster. Did two sets and then Wade wanted me to do wall squats...I leaned on the wall and said...I'm done. He thought I was kidding. LMAO. I know I'm so difficult some days.

We're doing arms and upper body tonight...we'll see how that goes. Keep Wade in your thoughts...this may get rough on him. hehehehe

So I've been keeping a good food diary lately. Looking up calories, fat, Sat fat, sodium, net carbs and protein information. I NEVER wanted to be counting calories. And I know I won't do it forever...it's too time consuming. But we all know I get bored at work so it's kind of been fun to use some time to do this research. It puts you in a different mind frame when you are hungry for your next snack. hehehe I'm already making changes...and I think I'm seeing the results from that. I think I'm still ending up with a calorie deficit at the end of the day...specially the days I work out. I mean if I get in right around 2000 calories and I burn close to 1000 in a work out between cardio and the weight training...that leaves me with a net of 1000 calories...and I think my body needs more. The last dietitian wanted me on 1300-1700 and that was prior to us working out the way we are. I don't know. Right now the weight is dropping, I seem to have lost bout 2.6 pounds since Monday morning. And this morning I weighed after I ate some eggs and such and drank some tea...usually I wake, pee, and weigh...but I forgot this morning cos I was in a hurry and running late.so I weighed before I got dressed. We'll see what the morning says.

But long story short...I hate the idea of counting calories and I'm sure a lot of people out there really don't ever want to do it either...but it's been a truly eye opening experience. If you are looking to lose weight and you have a little bit of time and excel knowledge...make a spreadsheet...it's really a great tool. If you want help or a template, just let me know. There are a lot of great resources out there on the interwebitude that can tell you all kinds of information bout meals and regular food items, you know if it doesn't have a package. A few great restaurants have all kinds of great details on their nutritional information too...Jason's Deli is my favorite right now...and OMG...their Tomato Basil soup is to die for!

Oh...Wade has us both upping our protein intake. Mikey is on a higher upgrade of protein than I am but I had my first protein shake last night...and I have to admit...it was yummy. Had it mixed with skim milk and yummy! Not as yummy as my Atkins Shakes but a close second. :) Actually managed to get 124 grams of Protein yesterday...and ate very little meat. Go Me!

I guess that's it...bout time for me to go torture the poor young Wade...hehehehe

It's Hump day!

OK...so I've been bored and been too busy watching Hulu to update my blog...how sad am I? lol But here I am...ran out of things to watch for today at least. So it's Wednesday...we work out tonight. We had a pretty good work out on Monday. We got there early enough again for a good hour of cardio warm up...did 30 minutes on the elliptical...took a potty break and was gonna do treadmill...but you know what...elliptical was really flowing for me Monday so I did another 30 minutes on it. It felt really good. :) So I burned what the machine tells me as 775 calories there...just in my warm up. ROCK ON!

Then we had a pretty decent workout with Wade. I think he finally figured out how to instruct me to do squats without the back of my left knee feeling like it's going to pop...some tendon back there is annoying and does NOT like squats. I'd take my Right knee to be the one that would give me grief...but alas...it's the Left. But now I will pay more attention to toes straight and ass out first then knees. We'll see. He keeps telling me to do it like I'm dropping it on the dance floor...he does NOT understand what that means. Maybe we should got dancing with him sometime so he can see what the hell I mean when I drop it like it's hot. lol

We did a good mixture and I bitched less than normal but was still full of fun loving banter. And...get this...Mike is staying home Thursday and Friday to take care of some house stuff before the party this Saturday...so Thursday is a work out day...we got to break it to Wade that he may just be getting me on Thursday. The look of concern on his face was priceless. :) He's been really getting into the whole getting Mikey built up and he's been able to use that as a way to avoid me more I think. He's still scared of me and my moods. I promised him if I was in a mood on Thursday I would call ahead and cancel. That seemed to ease his fears but I still think he's thinking Mikey will come with anyway. I know I can do it without Mikey there and I know Mikey will be getting enough of a work out mowing and organizing the carport and such to make up for missing the work out.

So I'm really looking forward to this weekend. It feels like forever since we've hosted a good party at our place. This one is shaping up to look really great. We'll have a great group...some newbies and some oldies and some oldies from two different groups may get to meet and I'm stoked bout my friends meeting each other. :) I know I'm odd...but it's gonna be fun...I swear damnit. If you're not having fun at my party...you're just not doing it right. :) hehehehe

OK...guess that's it...here's to working out tonight...getting all hot and sweaty and then going to HEB for groceries in work out clothes again...hell if people wanna look at me funny for wearing my work out gear to HEB...let em...least it proves I'm trying to do something bout my condition. LOL...F*ck em and feed em cheese!

Oh...almost forgot the funniest part of Monday night's workout...we went outside for the last 10-15 minutes...and there was this adorable cotton tail that was handing out by the fence. Wade decided he could catch it...so he went running after it...Mike said he got close...I have to give it to Wade...he's fast! Then the rabbit appeared again...and I talked Wade into trying again...LMAO...was soooo worth his attempt...I needed the laugh...He did this slow creeping crawl on his finger tips and tiptoes...OMG...so incredibly worth it. Alas, he wasn't able to catch it again. I just don't think he was putting in 100% effort there. We'll see if the bunny comes back again tonight!

OK...that's it now...I swear!

It was a good week...have to say

So sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I'd like to say I was busy with work or something but I was busy watching TV at work when I didn't have cases. But the cases were few and far between. Then on Thursday I woke up with a migraine and ended up staying home until work out time. It went away around 3 or 4 in the afternoon so it was safe. And then Friday was a half day. Gotta love religious holidays for at least getting me out of work somewhat. So Happy Zombie Jesus Weekend to all those that care. lol Got tired quickly of all the Easter stuff this year. Guess it's just me.

OK...so working out this weekend. I think it went rather well. I didn't fight Wade very much...least not like I have been. I just gave him some very weird looks at times. We did legs on Wednesday and he tried to make it where I couldn't walk on Thursday...maybe he was half to blame for the migraine. But I'll let him slide and blame the wonders of hormones instead...otherwise the coincidence of it all would be just weird. But yeah, we did a lot of new leg workouts...then he made me do some Ab stuff...least I think it was Wednesday...I know it wasn't Thursday...He worked the side Abs. Standing up, holding a weight in one hand...and dropping that hand for 20 and then switch to do the other side. That hurt is just now going away. lol But it felt good.

On Thursday, my legs didn't even want to make it up the stairs to go do cardio. So I thought I would take it easy and do a bike instead of elliptical and treadmill...but the calories per minute was so sad that I gave up after 10 minutes and only 60 calories burned. Screw that. I need to burn more. So I went and did 45 minutes on the treadmill instead. Think I ended up with 450 on the treadmill. Not as much as usual but the legs just were not up for the elliptical. I didn't eat my usual calorie intake on Thursday since we were home...and for some reason, I just can't eat as often as I do at work. So we went to Subway afterwards to try to make up some calories. But we did arms on Thursday and Wade had a few new things to try. He's really starting to bulk up on the weights for Mikey. Our goal is to have him looking like he belongs on the Wrestling circuit in a few months. Guess we're gonna have to look into shaving him too...lol...that should be fun. He assures me it won't be a big deal. I know it'll look great and I've been harping on him to do it for years...but now that it's a reality...should be interesting.

So that was my week of working out. It was good. I think I did very well. I barely fought...I'm sure Wade would say otherwise but my fights weren't serious. This weekend I'm focusing on sewing and cleaning for the party next weekend. I was going to mow...but I think I'll wait till later in the week. I don't have much I want to mow. The weight is coming off slowly. I like to think I'm burning fat but replacing it with muscle which is why the weight digits aren't going down. Don't ruin my illusion. lol Had lunch with a friend on Friday who I haven't seen in quite a few months. He told me it over obvious that I was slimming down. I'll take his word for it. It's hard to notice on a day to day basis. And I didn't let Wade do measurements cos all I cared about was the weight to come down...but now I'm curious...damnit. Oh well. Guess pictures will tell the tale. I want to do a photo shoot soon so hopefully we'll see some changes in those.

OK...till next time...MUAH!

Riding a high right now

We had a great work out last night. OK...I did...Mike was still rather exhausted but I think he had a good work out too. He's really sleepy today...he should have stayed home. I'm having some coffee cos I'm getting addicted again but I'm not using it to wake up. I swear...lol

So, of course last ngiht we got to the gym good and early, straight from work cos what else can we do since we live so far out of the way...And I did 35 on the elliptical and that accounts to bout 400 calories burned! Woohoo! Then I got on the treadmill and did another 300 calories in the next 35 or so minutes. I was feeling the burn and having fun with it. On the elliptical, I even did speed intervals again...but this time I did 2 minutes at a time instead of 1. Then one time I just went to see how fast I could get it going...and wow...that was a shocker...and hard to stop.

Then we went and met with Wade. Evidently yesterday was Arms Day. That's all we really did. I was in a very cheerful/Evil mood so I was having fun. My arms are a bit rubbery today but no major pain yet. They are resting. He really pushed me on doing some push-ups...and I had to adjust his bar placement on my last set...cos I was going to fail basically and I only had to do 15...and that was working the arms to their fail point, not sure if he realized that...he's sneaky so who knows. For our final bit, we went to go do a little Ab workout. He has high hopes of what he thinks I can do. So yeah, I tried and that was a no go. So instead he had me do some slow scissor kicks until fail. Yeah he wanted 4 sets...he got 3 and I said new exercise please...lol...and I got to do an Ab machine so that was least good.

I was impressed with my attitude and my stamina...even if they didn't show how impressed they were...I was happy with myself so it's all good. On the Scissor kicks, when doing them, I didn't feel it in the Abs at all. And I'm like...something ain't working here...but man...afterwards when we went shopping at HEB...OK...I could so feel it then. But today...I'm golden. So it's all good.

This weekend was fun. Saturday I shocked myself and was able to mow the ENTIRE back 1/2 acre in 3 hours. Usually this feat takes me all day or at least 6 hours or so cos of all the breaks I have to take. But not this time. Wooohooo! Things are looking up for me in the stamina department so it's all good. Then we went to town, had some Freebirds (who has Carnita's now and they are SOOOOOOOOOO Yummy!), went to the movies, drooled over Vin in Fast & Furious with the Nikky and Roger, then had Pei Wei, then went home and vegged and then had my leftovers from Pei Wei. :) Leftovers rock. Really expands the dining out experience.

Sunday was Wrestle Mania...and YAY! We had it in HD at the house on our beautimus TV. We had some friends over and had a grand ole time! It was a late night but it was a fun one. We had this huge awesome pork loin that we put on the pit and it was super yummy! We had some slightly overcooked Chicken wings and of course my Cheese Dip with sausage in it. I may or may not have had a moment with some chips and spinach dip as well as a bit of yogurt and granola...but nothing too dangerous is in my house anymore...worst stuff was the Cheesy Pork.

We did eat Cazadore's yesterday for lunch and I did have some chips and Cheesy beef but that wasn't my fault. I wanted Jason's Deli. I got out-voted by the line at Jason's. But I did good and had spinach enchiladas. Then after work out last night I was bad and we had some quick food from Wendy's. But seeing as I burned at least 1000 calories last night and lost .6 pounds from yesterday morning, I'm not too guilty feeling at this time. I was last night though. But I'm over it this morning after the scale was nice to me.

Guess that's it. I hope Wade finally reads my comments on him from last Friday. I was hurt he didn't read them before our work out last night. But I won't let it bother me. :) Hopefully this good positive attitude can last thru-out the week of working out. That would be a first. LOL. But hey, I got started on an excellent note. :) OK...done tooting my own horn...hehehehe

A few revalations...

OK...so Wednesday and Thursday working out was fine. Thursday was a bit worse than Wednesday, but overall it was OK. It's brought to mind a lot of control issues that I have. But I'll get to that in a bit.

I don't even really remember all we did Wednesday night. I know I only quit on one thing merely because it made me feel stupid as hell for doing it. I opted to do lunges instead of repeating that annoying ass slow side crouch walk thingy. On Thursday we started off just fine...we had over an hour of cardio prior to actually starting the work out...maybe that's what drained my mood...I don't know. But we were going along really well and I promised Mike we would go outside if Wade wanted to...and we did...however Wade had crazy plans and I had nothing to do with it. He wanted these frog jumps, Audrey no frog jump...least not till she loses 50 more pounds...sorry. He then wanted side walking squats while tossing a ball back and forth between me and Mike...yeah...hip screamed at me and Audrey no do hip screaming. Then...he wanted increment running...I barely got out of second gear before my shins said...I don't think so...Audrey not doing this either. So well Mike had fun doing a few exercises but we quickly went back inside where Wade couldn't seem to suggest any workouts that I could complete...so I just started doing some of my own. Evidently I was in a mood.

I have to say now that Wade has informed me that he's finally reading this thing. I am glad and I really hope it helps him understand me better. I *know* I am a horrendous client to have to deal with. I fight him on almost everything he suggests. I would not blame him if he went and complained that he has the hardest client to work with. I'll back him up on it. I simply know what I can and can't do some days. He has to admit that most days I banter with him on things but I do everything he asks...except the stairs...my poor shins and all. I at least try it. Give it a good shot. But this brings me to my control issues...

I like to be in control 95% of the time. This is probably partly cos of my personality and probably partly from crappy past relationships where I lost my self identity and my self worth to at least one asshole who mentally and verbally abused me. I was virtually beaten down and was a shell of who I am now. And I won't give that up again. I can be a bit much some days but I do like who I am. I have friends that will vouch for the fact that I'm vibrant and full of life and can be a rather confident person. And I like that. I won't change it.

I made a mistake on Wednesday by telling Wade that I could walk all over him and that that was great...after a short bit of thinking...I realized my error and took the foot out of my mouth and reworded things to state that he, as my trainer, is an excellent fit for me. I need a bit of structure, but too much structure and I rebel. If he had been strict like a drill sergeant and not given me options...I wouldn't be there right now. I would have walked the Hell out and either went and sat on my ass or I would have found another trainer elsewhere. Most likely I would have sat on my ass and evidently really would have disappointed Mikey. I'm glad I stayed, not just for Mikey's sake...but for mine too. I am actually really looking forward to working out now. I know when I can push my body and I know the days when I just can't. I enjoy being self-aware like that. Wade is an excellent fit for us cos he knows how to push us, how to challenge us, but he won't force me to do anything. I don't know if it's his tone or just the way he's figured out how to work with me. I'm sure it makes his job harder cos he's having to think more about options that I won't fight him so much on. But I know he misses it when I'm not so argumentative...he doesn't like scary silent Audrey. I don't either. Trust me Wade, I'm not just saying this cos I know you are reading now. It's the honest truth. Thank you for putting up with me. I know it's not easy.

I guess that's all the revelations I have for today...I look forward to mowing the back 40 tomorrow at least and cleaning the house so we can have a kick-ass Wrestle Mania party on Sunday! Hope everyone has a good weekend.

April Foll's day but not foolin

So here it is a new month...Didn't play any April Fool's jokes...not really in the mood for em. Glad no one really had any for me. So it's Wednesday, Humpday...workout day! Work has actually been a little busy...stupid bad Aggie's getting in the way of my bill paying, TV watching and blog writing. Can't understand why they rather me do actual work instead of my work. I don't get it. LOL

OK...So I just actually scanned back thru and saw people have actually left me some comments! I'm touched. Thanks! I'll try to be more observant of comments coming thru. I really thought this blogger would send me notices of comments. Oh well, maybe I have to tweak something in the settings for that. But seeing comments and knowing people are reading and maybe I'm helping to inspire someone...that rocks! That's why I'm doing this. Cos we all know...I'm a giver. LMAO...OK...that was funny. But no, I feel good to be contributing some way out there to the greater good.

So Monday we worked out with our "friend" Wade. He decided we weren't going to be counting reps...we were gonna be working at a faster pace...get more cardio into the workout. Forget the fact that I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 on the treadmill and burned 620 calories prior to starting...but hey...I'm game to try something new. I did crap out at the end. It was an exercise I can't do very well so I just gave up on my last 2 sets of 4...I didn't think that was so bad. Wade tried to guilt me with a pouty face...that won't work when I have my mind made up. He'll learn. LOL...I think he seriously thinks I hate him. I love striking fear in those around me. :) The fact I keep coming back and am signing up for another month of his kind of fun...that should say something. I haven't asked for a replacement trainer, which is simply cos I'd hate to train a whole new one. Wade was so easy to break in. hehehehe

But Monday night was actually somewhat fun. I just hope this allergy/sinus crap I'm dealing with is just that and not strep like my poor friend Nikky. She can't seem to stay well these days. It's driving the both of us bonkers. And...I can't afford to get sick. We have Wrestle Mania at our place on Sunday. I got company coming over and cleaning and mowing and such to do. Plus I don't have much saved time at work here lately from dealing with my sickness after we got back from Vegas.

So I'm gonna push thru tonight...see what happens...keep pushing the water and maybe I can flush this crap out if it is some bug. Not give it a chance to settle in. Plus I have more sewing to do on this quilt I'm working on. Will need to deliver it in the next couple of weeks. It's not 5 yet and I want it to be so I can get out of this boring place. No Nikky means it's extra boring. LOL...OK...I'm out for now...will try to write again tomorrow.

MUAH!

feeling MUCH Better

I really didn't believe I could basically force myself into a good mood...but I did. Rock on! Kicked the hormones for now. Went and had a really good work out last night and no one really made me feel like a moron for the day before of quitting and the whole crying and hiding fiasco. Did 30 minutes on the elliptical and another 20 or 30 on the treadmill...I forget...another 500 calories or so burned, so rock on...

I can NOT wait till it warms up and I can #1 get back to working out in my pool too...I'm such a water baby and #2 get to mow my damn yard...ok...my acre of weeds but still they need it...specially after all this rain this week and maybe #3 we can get into a routine of maybe working our or playing sports with friends...been forever since we played tennis or hoops or anything...volleyball net on the pool too so that's fun!

Still in limbo land on life right now but trying my best not to focus on that. My weekend either be great or it can be hellish...we'll see which way it turns out. Wish I could will myself to be fine if things go south in Limbo-land but we'll just have to see and play it by ear. If things stay positive we may get out of town Sat night and meet some people...who knows...maybe they'll come to us...We do Big Event in the morning with the Nikky and we have a strategy meeting tonight at 5 to make sure we're all on the same page for that cos it may prove to be hectic. Who knows...first time doing this thing...trying to give of myself more...working on that side of Karma for a change.

OK...think that's it for now...I'll probably be quiet till Monday or Tuesday on here...who knows how this weekend will go...I may need to vent. We'll see. Thanks for reading if you're reading. It does mean a lot to me that someone out there other than just my wonderful Hubby Mikey is reading this so just let me know if you're reading and supporting me or if you are a horrible person that just doesn't care...ok...don't let me know that. I may already think it already and I don't want those thoughts confirmed. LMAO :) See...much better mood today. :) MUAH!

Rough Patch

OK...so I think I've emerged from a rough patch I've had the last couple of days. Hormones are on some kind of overload and I feel like I'm in limbo...but least I quit crying. :) Turned my frown upside down and stickin to it...we hope. lol

OK...so last night was bad...bad bad bad...hormones overtook me and I could not right myself...the ship sank bad. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15 on the treadmill and I was wiped. We took a break before the real work out and I did the first two exercises...and quit...just up and quit. I let Mike finish his but I couldn't. I sat there like a lump for a bit then I thought the sauna would help. Sweated my ass off for 5 minutes and didn't make any progress. Went and stood outside the front door just as the storm really blew in. I couldn't run from my internal storm however much I tried. I cried and watched the rain. I couldn't seem to hide from people. They kept trying to make sure I was OK. I know they are sweet but I needed to be left alone. So then I hid out in the locker room bathroom till Mike texted me that he was done. It was a BAD night hormonally for me. No real reason at all to cry...nothing...but I couldn't stop which pissed me off and made me cry more. Got home and finally was able to calm myself down...but woke up this morning mad at myself and mad at the world. Finally round lunch I snapped and decided that I was going to get back in control. And I think I am. Who knows.

But for this moment...I'm good. Not ecstatic or happy but I'm good. I'm going to try and push myself to get through our work out tonight...no matter what. Don't even think I'm getting on the scale tonight...don't need that added stress.

Here's to hoping Wade doesn't ask too many questions bout yesterday and takes at face value that I'm fine. Not 100%...can't talk bout it out loud...or tears may come back. Not 100%...but I'm good...and for now I'm fine with that. :)

Lost count of days...it's a longer Journey than days anyway!

OK...so it's been close to a week since I wrote on here. Last week was a tough one for me workout wise. Tuesday was emotional to no end...thanks to wonderful hormones and Wednesday was just plain painful! But yay! I am healed, I say! By Thursday afternoon I was in the pool helping Mikey scrub it down so I can get some use out of it some day soon. So all better now! And I even used my mother-in-law's treadmill over the weekend even though it was loud and annoying and the treadmill was loud too. hehehehehe Always the comedian, that's me.

So we have been weighing ourselves every morning at the house all natural with no added weight. I think first thing in the morning is the best...no extra food weight and such. So I had been watching my weight come down. It was exciting. But Monday when I got to the gym and weighed myself before shoes...I was so happy...down 5 pounds since last Monday! Even if that scale weighs me a few pounds heavier than at home...it is later in the day and I do have clothes on...so that could account for the 2-3 pound difference. Then I went to the doc office this morning...and they only show 6 pounds for the month...hmmm...but hey...I'm down 15 pounds in the past two months. Wooohooo! Time for new clothes shopping! My pants are starting to become a bit loose!

Last night we did our normal 45 minutes or so of good cardio. I was proud of Mikey...he's been miserable with allergies and I didn't think he'd be able to play through given the mood and state of mind he's been in all day yesterday. But it seems like as long as he's exercising, eating or sleeping...he's fine. Soon as we quit any of those 3 things...he's miserable again. He's trying a new drug today and so far it seems better. But I burned bout 500 calories on cardio for that portion of the work out and Wade had some interesting new machines for us to try...lol...But I made it thru with only a few slight distractions. :) But I did find out that Wade missed the Sassy me that was missing on Tuesday when my hormones acted all flaky. I knew he would. I know I can be a difficult whiney bitch when I work out...OK...probably more often than that...but my playful banter and arguing is greatly missed when it's not there. He said he was seriously scared of me cos evidently only Bitch was shining through. LMSAO!

So we are thinking now that we will do one more month with Wade...and then go to just a gym membership. It's really been helpful lately and I think I still need the structure of a personal trainer. We're gonna try an experiment and go away from the supplements that we were buying from the doctor's office. I just can't say for sure they were worth ALL the money that we were paying for them...plus all our other vitamins on top of that...I think we already had a good handle on what vitamins we needed. I think the only one I may miss is the shot one...but not sure I'll even miss that. We'll play it by ear and see...cos that's $300 for 2 months worth of shots for the both of us really...and that's a lot when we have the personal trainer and I think we worked it out and it cost like 30 or 40 bucks per pound I lost...with everything we were paying for and that's factoring Mikey's health benefits in that as well. The Dietician was outrageous on cost for what she was doing for us since we knew what to do...we just needed more supervision...and once a month...sorry...not enough supervision for $100-150 a month...and then $100 worth of supplements a month for the 2 of us and then the shots on top of that...a costly experiment that worked but didn't work. lol I can do this with just the gym and trainer damnit...and our regular regimine of vitamins.

So things are looking good. Down 15 pounds since the end of January...should have seen what my starting weight was in late December...maybe I'll call and see if they can tell me that over the phone...and to think that includes the trip to Vegas and everything...I'm on a good stretch...we'll see what other good comes my way... :)