I'm tired. I'm exhausted of the process...but I'm back at the Craps table to take another shot this month. This summer has been OK so far but I'm getting to the very difficult portion. Last year, this time...I was pregnant. Hard to imagine. Very hard...least emotionally. I stayed home this past Friday...anniversary of me finding out that wonderful news...sadly, also the anniversary of Michael Jackson passing...I was a hermit. My only contact with the outside world was my iPhone...texting and FaceBook...buried my nose in my book and just took a break from it all. I got the very blatant reminder on that day that unlike last year, I wasn't pregnant. I know...I need to move on...but I can't seem to get past it. Even on Monday morning when the Radio DJs were discussing the BET awards and the tribute to MJ...I tried to tough it out but had to change the channel cos I was crying...put me in a bad mood the entire day pretty much...which is why I didn't blog...I was too down and typing bout this would have sent me bawling...I'm better today...
Was at the Dr yesterday...I managed not to cry this month...but my mood is getting lower and lower when I'm in there. I've upped my metformin to 1750mg now...bout to up it to 2000mg. Hopefully that should be it. Dr says it's the magical amount...will magically get my insulin levels down and egg production will be better and maybe just maybe, magically I'll get pregnant. IF this one doesn't take...then we move on to the big guns...I'm impatient...I want big guns now. I'm very tired...
I'm still trying for distractions. I have my nose in a book almost all the time right now...lost in the world of Sookie Stackhouse and her Vamps, and Weres and Special People...that and I'm sewing buttons on my blue jean quilt. It's a crazy idea and I wonder why I thought of it all the time...gonna be forever. But forever is probably what I need. (sigh) Catching up on some hulu today at work and going to try hard not to forget my book at work today so I have something to do tonight when I try to go to bed. Trying to live stress free and learning to reduce it so I can get there. Weight is coming back down again, not that's it's gone up but I'm right at that 270 mark again that frustrates me so.
Anyone wanna come BBQ this weekend and distract me? Mike wants to grill...and I wanna get in the pool and relax. The more the merrier...
