OK...so last night...I get there early of course to do my cardio workout. I did 45 on treadmill, 30 on Elliptical, and 10 again on Treadmill. Total of 750 calories burned. Go Me! (And I have contemplated maybe I'm doing too much prior to meeting with Wade and that's putting me in a pissy mood from the get-go with him...who knows...but with the time schedule...it's the only way we can really get the cardio in.)
So I thought I was feeling good. It's 7pm and I go to meet up with Wade. And I know he's probably a little concerned bout going one on one with me...and I get that...I come off gruff...so I think he tried to take the offensive and be positive and announce to me..."You are not allowed to quit today!" And to some that is inspiration and is challenging...to me...and my personality...it puts me on the defensive and makes me wanna go back to the locker room to get my shit and go. We bantered back and forth a bit and he whittled it down to He would like it if I didn't quit today. So I started off. Did an arm workout and then he wanted me to do step knee lifts on a step higher than I've done before...when I had to held onto the bar for support so I didn't fall...he looked on disapprovingly. I didn't do another set of those. I went back and did 2 more sets of the Arm things. We did some other stuff...I don't remember it all...my head was getting fuzzy cos I was still annoyed.
And yes...before you ask...I know his job is to train me and push me to get into shape. I just don't deal well with being pushed. Which is why it's taken me this long to get to the point where I am with a trainer and working out in a gym. And yes...I know that me not doing the workouts to his liking isn't hurting him...it's only hurting myself. I'm not a complete idiot.
We did have some decent conversation and I calmed down a bit. We talked bout how much fun Mikey was having and where he was planning on going with his workout and such. We even compared hunting stories and joked of his need to get a concealed gun license cos of crazies like me.
Well we get to the end of our time. He has me doing some arm and back exercise with a 15 pound bar...not heavy...but my back isn't tolerating to that great so I stop in the first set. I finish the set with a modified version of the exercise. Then it was holding the bar, one overhand grip, the other underhand, doing squats and rotating the bar when you come up. I did the left hand side first...barely was able to finish 8...then on to the right...at 4, my right bicep said I don't F*cking think so and I set the bar down. Sorry I listen very closely to my body. Wade tried very hard to make me finish that set...wasn't happening.I set the bar down on it's end and when he wouldn't stop trying to make me finish I took my hand off the bar...now I did not mean for it to head in his direction but it did...luckily he has fast reflexes otherwise that might have hurt him pretty bad...it would have hit right in the jewels. after he caught it and had the look of shock and was saying..."What if I hadn't caught that, Audrey?" over and over...I laughed very heartily. I know...I'm an awful person isn't a valid cop-out but I was done for the night.
I couldn't take anymore. He put me on the offensive from the start, he at one point "Shhh'd" me...and all the disapproving looks and comments...I was done. I signed my name on his done sheet and left. As I drove home I just got angrier. Isn't working out supposed to give you feel good endorphins? Somedays it does for me...others...it makes me a very ticked off woman. Maybe it's hormones. I don't know. I was forced to self medicate to calm myself down when I got home.
So long story short...I don't do well at being put on the defensive, telling me I can't do something is not a good approach to make me productive, & I did NOT have a fun time last night. We'll see how Monday goes. I may just let Mike finish out our paid for spots and just do cardio while he does or go hang with Nikky...Last night really put a bad taste in my mouth...and maybe it's hormones and I'll be all hunky dory on Monday...who knows. I just hope Wade reads this so we don't have a repeat. It's just not in my personality to give in...it's just not.
And again...yes I know I'm whiny and special needs...but that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon. And yes I know if I stop working out I'm only hurting myself...but there are other places to do my working out too...
OK...on to happy thoughts for tonight and the weekend!
