Well been meaning to get to this for the past couple of days but kind of glad I was lazy and waited cos at least now I have more answers. So Month #1 off...had a great month. No expectations, good test to show everything was clear and unblocked...was able to relax and enjoy life. Was able to breathe...it was really good. Then boom I start...now for once I actually had no hormone medication and I had a 28 day textbook length cycle...no expectations...so why was I too down to come to work on Tuesday? Stupid hormones. I think it's just that and that alone. Can't control it...but guess I'm going to have to figure a way to work it out...can't keep taking a day off just cos I'm bleeding. I'm 32...I've been bleeding for MANY years now...it's not a "take a day off from work" excuse. Ugh...
So we went back to the doctor yesterday afternoon. While we were waiting Mikey and I decided that truly, we were barely able to catch our breath in one month after 17 or so months straight of crazy...So we wanted another month off. Explain that to Dr and he's cool with that and decides not to even bother with a scan since we wouldn't be doing anything this month regardless. I mentioned what I noticed this month and that I felt a lot of pain round the time that I ovulate and thought maybe I had...that made him want to check. So he does a scan and sure enough...my left ovary worked to produce a follicle without the help of meds...problem is...that without the meds, it didn't finish the job and it never released. So I have a 25mm "cyst" in that ovary. Couldn't do anything fertility wise this month anyway with it in the way. So I'm going for a month of the pill to make it get reabsorbed...fun times...go back to him on the 21st of September to make sure it's gone and go from there.
So long story short...my body wants to work without meds, but I don't think it can complete a freaking job without the meds...So that's kind of disheartening in itself. Mike is tired of the doctor process...so am I. Neither of us want to have to do this till we die...that's just what it feels like. I'm going with this month break, then see what we can do...maybe do the big guns next cycle and if that don't work...then I don't know...just give up?
I really wish I could be a bystander in all this...not know what I know. They always say knowledge is power...but in this case, knowledge is my prison. I know TOO MUCH bout what every tweak means and what every part of my body seems to do. Hell, I just learned that all these random pains I've had over the years when I've moved funny and felt like I had a twisted gut for a brief intense pain...that was just the cysts in my ovaries from the follicles that never got the message to release. Haven't had that in a long while...cos I've been on the hormone medication for so long so I've had follicles releasing and not hanging around to reabsorb on their own. Stupid Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome...really wish I never met you. I really try not to regret anything in life...everything is something to learn from, to grow from...but F-U PCOS...I wish I never had met you...you SUCK!
OK...I'll try to get outta my pity party and enjoy the next couple of weeks...with the help of the pill, I have NO expectations so maybe when I start again I won't end up home "sick" cos I can't face the world cos my body failed yet again...I think that's it for today...
