OK...so Wednesday and Thursday working out was fine. Thursday was a bit worse than Wednesday, but overall it was OK. It's brought to mind a lot of control issues that I have. But I'll get to that in a bit.
I don't even really remember all we did Wednesday night. I know I only quit on one thing merely because it made me feel stupid as hell for doing it. I opted to do lunges instead of repeating that annoying ass slow side crouch walk thingy. On Thursday we started off just fine...we had over an hour of cardio prior to actually starting the work out...maybe that's what drained my mood...I don't know. But we were going along really well and I promised Mike we would go outside if Wade wanted to...and we did...however Wade had crazy plans and I had nothing to do with it. He wanted these frog jumps, Audrey no frog jump...least not till she loses 50 more pounds...sorry. He then wanted side walking squats while tossing a ball back and forth between me and Mike...yeah...hip screamed at me and Audrey no do hip screaming. Then...he wanted increment running...I barely got out of second gear before my shins said...I don't think so...Audrey not doing this either. So well Mike had fun doing a few exercises but we quickly went back inside where Wade couldn't seem to suggest any workouts that I could complete...so I just started doing some of my own. Evidently I was in a mood.
I have to say now that Wade has informed me that he's finally reading this thing. I am glad and I really hope it helps him understand me better. I *know* I am a horrendous client to have to deal with. I fight him on almost everything he suggests. I would not blame him if he went and complained that he has the hardest client to work with. I'll back him up on it. I simply know what I can and can't do some days. He has to admit that most days I banter with him on things but I do everything he asks...except the stairs...my poor shins and all. I at least try it. Give it a good shot. But this brings me to my control issues...
I like to be in control 95% of the time. This is probably partly cos of my personality and probably partly from crappy past relationships where I lost my self identity and my self worth to at least one asshole who mentally and verbally abused me. I was virtually beaten down and was a shell of who I am now. And I won't give that up again. I can be a bit much some days but I do like who I am. I have friends that will vouch for the fact that I'm vibrant and full of life and can be a rather confident person. And I like that. I won't change it.
I made a mistake on Wednesday by telling Wade that I could walk all over him and that that was great...after a short bit of thinking...I realized my error and took the foot out of my mouth and reworded things to state that he, as my trainer, is an excellent fit for me. I need a bit of structure, but too much structure and I rebel. If he had been strict like a drill sergeant and not given me options...I wouldn't be there right now. I would have walked the Hell out and either went and sat on my ass or I would have found another trainer elsewhere. Most likely I would have sat on my ass and evidently really would have disappointed Mikey. I'm glad I stayed, not just for Mikey's sake...but for mine too. I am actually really looking forward to working out now. I know when I can push my body and I know the days when I just can't. I enjoy being self-aware like that. Wade is an excellent fit for us cos he knows how to push us, how to challenge us, but he won't force me to do anything. I don't know if it's his tone or just the way he's figured out how to work with me. I'm sure it makes his job harder cos he's having to think more about options that I won't fight him so much on. But I know he misses it when I'm not so argumentative...he doesn't like scary silent Audrey. I don't either. Trust me Wade, I'm not just saying this cos I know you are reading now. It's the honest truth. Thank you for putting up with me. I know it's not easy.
I guess that's all the revelations I have for today...I look forward to mowing the back 40 tomorrow at least and cleaning the house so we can have a kick-ass Wrestle Mania party on Sunday! Hope everyone has a good weekend.
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