Feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders

So...Went to the gym last night...first time in pretty much 2 weeks that I actually was feeling good and ready to work out. Got there and went upstairs and did my thing on the elliptical and some on the treadmill. The place was packed. It's the last week of the fitness challenge thing that I wasn't exactly selected for so all machines were busy. But I squeezed in on one and did my thing. Felt good to be back on the cardio equipment and only got to burn like 400 calories...but we got there kind of late.

Then comes the dread part. We had to go down to meet with Wade. I just don't have the heart to make that fun anymore. I tried. Wade started me off slow and I knew he knew better than to push me after me being gone for such a long time from the weight training part of working out. So I did wall squats with the big ball on my back...not too bad...my knee bitched a bit but I could deal. Then he brought out two step boxes on top of each other and wanted me to do some bounces or something...again...not too bad and did it without much complaint other than the need to hold onto the wall so I didn't lose my balance. This whole time he's off having Mike work specific muscles to keep up with his training.

Then, he has me do the Susan Summer's leg machines...they basically do the same thing as her little flaky device. There are two machines. One that works the outside muscles and one that does the inside muscles. The inside muscles machine was acting flaky and wouldn't' let me set the resistance. So there are pads that go on the inside of your knee and you have to get your knees to the furthest possible while not causing you pain position, set the resistance and then squeeze in,back out, in, back out. I've used this machine before. But this time I couldn't get it to set my resistance...so Wade comes over to assist. I tell him that that's as far back as my knees go...I'm in the machine...the little F*cker pushed them a bit more...and if you know me...my hips can be a big pain on me...I almost screamed out in pain cos OUCH! That I did not quit over. I pushed thru, just didn't ask him for his help anymore trying to set the damn thing.

Then he had me on a leg press/squat inclined machine. It was really quite easy but it was pushing it towards the end of a set...he tried to be slick and sneak in more weight. I stood my ground and said no...made him admit to adding more weight and remove it. I know...my bitchy-whiny side was really starting to come thru. But after the hip thing I was already a bit ticked off. So he removes the added weight and I finish out the second set. So, did I mention I'm up in this machine on a big incline...not the easiest to get in and out of. My face is sweating, my glasses are fogging...I ask for my towel. He says, No. He wants me to do another set first. I say if I have to get up to get it, I'm done. He still doesn't get it. he waits till I sit up and am half out to reach for it. I take the towel, grab my water bottle and tell him I'm done. I meant the machine at first, but I quickly decided, no...I was done with the workout for the day...least with him. I don't like to be bossed. I really hate it. I know I made a whiny-bitchy scene...and I don't really care.

Wade tried...he decided we'd move on to Abs...for some reason I like to do Abs...but no...I was done...I hopped on a treadmill and told him to continue on with Mike. I cranked the speed and the incline up and I just booked it for the next 15 minutes or so till they were done. A few minutes in on the treadmill he even came over to offer my headphones...but my stubborn-ness said I didn't need em. He left them there as a peace offering I guess...but I didn't touch em.

Now again...I will totally admit that I am a whiny-bitchy-princess who really likes things her way. If you know me, I'm not shy bout this fact. I don't like to be bossed. I don't like to be told No. I like to be in control. If you can call those faults, those are mine. I'm VERY stubborn and have to have things my way. I've never liked gyms and am usually totally intimidated by them.

I have gotten over my fear of the gym. I actually love to work out now (as long as I'm not a hormonal mess that breaks down in tears of frustration on the treadmill, but that's only one week of the month so far). I initially took to the trainer. I thought it was great. We had fun conversation, we got some good workouts. I needed that structure and instruction on what to work on and which machines do what. I got that now.

Mike will probably continue with Wade at least once a week...we're gonna figure out the cost involved tonight I guess, and I'm getting a membership for the "family" and we will still be going to the gym. I have not given up and I'm not stopping this journey. I see the big picture and I am still heading on that path. I just no longer care to have a guide. I got the basics and I have Mike to fall back on if I get lost or need support.

So Wade, not like you have the time in your busy life to read this...but it's not you...it's Me. Enjoy Mikey. :)

And I'm out!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

OK...so this week is going about how I expected it to go. It's my bad week hormonally due to my meds right now...If you are in the vicinity of my you know this means me crying for absolutely no freaking reason and then me getting pissed off that I can't control it, so I cry harder, dry up...rinse repeat. Hormones in general can be hard on a woman...but chemically induced hormones on a woman who is not really used to having any at all cos her cycle is so far out of whack...yeah...so my hormones are like an Indy race car to someone that barely knows how to drive. Very very frustrating.

So this week...Monday we took off from working out cos Mike's eye was bothering him pretty bad and I was thinking he'd have to go to the eye doc before the day was through and somehow I think eyes are important for the working out process so you don't get hit or trip over a busy gym. So we canceled and postponed Monday's workout to Tuesday. Not that either of us liked the idea of 3 back to back workouts.

Tuesday...I really shouldn't have gotten out of bed. I knew from the get-go that it was gonna be a bad day. But I had certain things I knew I had to take care of at work yesterday so we came in. Hormones ebbed and flowed all day...just had me in a generally depressed state of mind. By the end of the day I was feeling better and thought I could proceed with working out. We hit Subway for our pre-workout meal and then hit the gym. And I was fine...I thought. Got on a treadmill and didn't even last 20 minutes...I could feel the stupid tears for no reason creeping up on me and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop em. So I told Mike I would be back at 8 to get him but I had to leave. I went and hung out at Nikky's and we chatted and cried and I wasn't forced to hide myself in a bathroom stall to avoid all the concerned glances and questions at the gym. Poor JJ I know was confused why normally Happy Audrey was sitting on his couch crying one minute and laughing the next...he even stopped by to give me a hug to comfort me. That was sweet. So I left there and went and got Mike and we went home where I had to self medicate to get myself calm and not constantly weepy...I HATE weepy.

Today...it's Wednesday...who knows what the rest of the day will bring. I didn't want to get out of bed again this morning and I still say I should be in bed curled up with the blanket over my head and away from people today...but alas, I had more work I knew would have to get done today. So here I am...muddling my way through the day. I managed to not cry while meeting with a student and I'll call that a win...cos it was bubbling up under the surface...again...I just can't completely control this crap. I guess I can a little bit but just not completely.

I want to get back in the habit of working out. I don't want the last week I have with a trainer to be a cop-out week where I don't go at all. It may be how it goes but who knows. I tried to use this blog as a way to reach out to Wade so he'd maybe freaking understand me better but I guess he stopped reading. Mike said it didn't sound like he had taken the time to read it before last night. Oh well. So much for that helping. It does help for me to be able to just vent on here and know someone at least is reading it...even if it's not the trainer who needs to be reading it.

I guess that's it for my whiny report today. I think I'll just move this box and crawl under my desk for the afternoon...if you need me...that's where I'll be till 5.

Last night wasn't any fun

OK...I've mentioned before...I tend to like a bit of control in my life...and working out is no different. Last night I worked out...I went by myself cos Mike had to stay home and get some work done round the house. This blog is mostly so I can voice why I had an issue last night. The longer I stew about it the more annoyed I get. So it's time I do this and get it off my chest so I can go ahead and enjoy the rest of my weekend...lol....Party tomorrow night...Wooohooo! Hopefully we're doing dinner with Nikky and her fam tonight and playing some rockband...that's if they get back safely from Austin.

OK...so last night...I get there early of course to do my cardio workout. I did 45 on treadmill, 30 on Elliptical, and 10 again on Treadmill. Total of 750 calories burned. Go Me! (And I have contemplated maybe I'm doing too much prior to meeting with Wade and that's putting me in a pissy mood from the get-go with him...who knows...but with the time schedule...it's the only way we can really get the cardio in.)

So I thought I was feeling good. It's 7pm and I go to meet up with Wade. And I know he's probably a little concerned bout going one on one with me...and I get that...I come off gruff...so I think he tried to take the offensive and be positive and announce to me..."You are not allowed to quit today!" And to some that is inspiration and is challenging...to me...and my personality...it puts me on the defensive and makes me wanna go back to the locker room to get my shit and go. We bantered back and forth a bit and he whittled it down to He would like it if I didn't quit today. So I started off. Did an arm workout and then he wanted me to do step knee lifts on a step higher than I've done before...when I had to held onto the bar for support so I didn't fall...he looked on disapprovingly. I didn't do another set of those. I went back and did 2 more sets of the Arm things. We did some other stuff...I don't remember it all...my head was getting fuzzy cos I was still annoyed.

And yes...before you ask...I know his job is to train me and push me to get into shape. I just don't deal well with being pushed. Which is why it's taken me this long to get to the point where I am with a trainer and working out in a gym. And yes...I know that me not doing the workouts to his liking isn't hurting him...it's only hurting myself. I'm not a complete idiot.

We did have some decent conversation and I calmed down a bit. We talked bout how much fun Mikey was having and where he was planning on going with his workout and such. We even compared hunting stories and joked of his need to get a concealed gun license cos of crazies like me.

Well we get to the end of our time. He has me doing some arm and back exercise with a 15 pound bar...not heavy...but my back isn't tolerating to that great so I stop in the first set. I finish the set with a modified version of the exercise. Then it was holding the bar, one overhand grip, the other underhand, doing squats and rotating the bar when you come up. I did the left hand side first...barely was able to finish 8...then on to the right...at 4, my right bicep said I don't F*cking think so and I set the bar down. Sorry I listen very closely to my body. Wade tried very hard to make me finish that set...wasn't happening.I set the bar down on it's end and when he wouldn't stop trying to make me finish I took my hand off the bar...now I did not mean for it to head in his direction but it did...luckily he has fast reflexes otherwise that might have hurt him pretty bad...it would have hit right in the jewels. after he caught it and had the look of shock and was saying..."What if I hadn't caught that, Audrey?" over and over...I laughed very heartily. I know...I'm an awful person isn't a valid cop-out but I was done for the night.

I couldn't take anymore. He put me on the offensive from the start, he at one point "Shhh'd" me...and all the disapproving looks and comments...I was done. I signed my name on his done sheet and left. As I drove home I just got angrier. Isn't working out supposed to give you feel good endorphins? Somedays it does for me...others...it makes me a very ticked off woman. Maybe it's hormones. I don't know. I was forced to self medicate to calm myself down when I got home.

So long story short...I don't do well at being put on the defensive, telling me I can't do something is not a good approach to make me productive, & I did NOT have a fun time last night. We'll see how Monday goes. I may just let Mike finish out our paid for spots and just do cardio while he does or go hang with Nikky...Last night really put a bad taste in my mouth...and maybe it's hormones and I'll be all hunky dory on Monday...who knows. I just hope Wade reads this so we don't have a repeat. It's just not in my personality to give in...it's just not.

And again...yes I know I'm whiny and special needs...but that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon. And yes I know if I stop working out I'm only hurting myself...but there are other places to do my working out too... Last night was not fun...

OK...on to happy thoughts for tonight and the weekend!

Can Wade handle me all on my own?

OK...so it's Thursday...It's a work out day and I get to go alone today. Mike is at home taking care of stuff I wanted done before the party...mowing and organizing the outside and such. So I have nothing holding me back on being able to torture Wade! Wooohooo! Are you ready Wade? I don't think you are. LOL

So work out was fine yesterday...Wade pushed us both...gave Mike a lot more weight to work on and it really had him sweating. He's upping his game on us and expects us to do the same...lol...I still laugh. So we were getting close to the time to be done and I wanted to do some ab work outs. I had a specific one in mind...Wade had other plans...So I let Mikey try it to see how hard it would be...and yeah...I walked away from it. I went and did the ab coaster. Did two sets and then Wade wanted me to do wall squats...I leaned on the wall and said...I'm done. He thought I was kidding. LMAO. I know I'm so difficult some days.

We're doing arms and upper body tonight...we'll see how that goes. Keep Wade in your thoughts...this may get rough on him. hehehehe

So I've been keeping a good food diary lately. Looking up calories, fat, Sat fat, sodium, net carbs and protein information. I NEVER wanted to be counting calories. And I know I won't do it forever...it's too time consuming. But we all know I get bored at work so it's kind of been fun to use some time to do this research. It puts you in a different mind frame when you are hungry for your next snack. hehehe I'm already making changes...and I think I'm seeing the results from that. I think I'm still ending up with a calorie deficit at the end of the day...specially the days I work out. I mean if I get in right around 2000 calories and I burn close to 1000 in a work out between cardio and the weight training...that leaves me with a net of 1000 calories...and I think my body needs more. The last dietitian wanted me on 1300-1700 and that was prior to us working out the way we are. I don't know. Right now the weight is dropping, I seem to have lost bout 2.6 pounds since Monday morning. And this morning I weighed after I ate some eggs and such and drank some tea...usually I wake, pee, and weigh...but I forgot this morning cos I was in a hurry and running late.so I weighed before I got dressed. We'll see what the morning says.

But long story short...I hate the idea of counting calories and I'm sure a lot of people out there really don't ever want to do it either...but it's been a truly eye opening experience. If you are looking to lose weight and you have a little bit of time and excel knowledge...make a spreadsheet...it's really a great tool. If you want help or a template, just let me know. There are a lot of great resources out there on the interwebitude that can tell you all kinds of information bout meals and regular food items, you know if it doesn't have a package. A few great restaurants have all kinds of great details on their nutritional information too...Jason's Deli is my favorite right now...and OMG...their Tomato Basil soup is to die for!

Oh...Wade has us both upping our protein intake. Mikey is on a higher upgrade of protein than I am but I had my first protein shake last night...and I have to admit...it was yummy. Had it mixed with skim milk and yummy! Not as yummy as my Atkins Shakes but a close second. :) Actually managed to get 124 grams of Protein yesterday...and ate very little meat. Go Me!

I guess that's it...bout time for me to go torture the poor young Wade...hehehehe

It's Hump day!

OK...so I've been bored and been too busy watching Hulu to update my blog...how sad am I? lol But here I am...ran out of things to watch for today at least. So it's Wednesday...we work out tonight. We had a pretty good work out on Monday. We got there early enough again for a good hour of cardio warm up...did 30 minutes on the elliptical...took a potty break and was gonna do treadmill...but you know what...elliptical was really flowing for me Monday so I did another 30 minutes on it. It felt really good. :) So I burned what the machine tells me as 775 calories there...just in my warm up. ROCK ON!

Then we had a pretty decent workout with Wade. I think he finally figured out how to instruct me to do squats without the back of my left knee feeling like it's going to pop...some tendon back there is annoying and does NOT like squats. I'd take my Right knee to be the one that would give me grief...but alas...it's the Left. But now I will pay more attention to toes straight and ass out first then knees. We'll see. He keeps telling me to do it like I'm dropping it on the dance floor...he does NOT understand what that means. Maybe we should got dancing with him sometime so he can see what the hell I mean when I drop it like it's hot. lol

We did a good mixture and I bitched less than normal but was still full of fun loving banter. And...get this...Mike is staying home Thursday and Friday to take care of some house stuff before the party this Saturday...so Thursday is a work out day...we got to break it to Wade that he may just be getting me on Thursday. The look of concern on his face was priceless. :) He's been really getting into the whole getting Mikey built up and he's been able to use that as a way to avoid me more I think. He's still scared of me and my moods. I promised him if I was in a mood on Thursday I would call ahead and cancel. That seemed to ease his fears but I still think he's thinking Mikey will come with anyway. I know I can do it without Mikey there and I know Mikey will be getting enough of a work out mowing and organizing the carport and such to make up for missing the work out.

So I'm really looking forward to this weekend. It feels like forever since we've hosted a good party at our place. This one is shaping up to look really great. We'll have a great group...some newbies and some oldies and some oldies from two different groups may get to meet and I'm stoked bout my friends meeting each other. :) I know I'm odd...but it's gonna be fun...I swear damnit. If you're not having fun at my party...you're just not doing it right. :) hehehehe

OK...guess that's it...here's to working out tonight...getting all hot and sweaty and then going to HEB for groceries in work out clothes again...hell if people wanna look at me funny for wearing my work out gear to HEB...let em...least it proves I'm trying to do something bout my condition. LOL...F*ck em and feed em cheese!

Oh...almost forgot the funniest part of Monday night's workout...we went outside for the last 10-15 minutes...and there was this adorable cotton tail that was handing out by the fence. Wade decided he could catch it...so he went running after it...Mike said he got close...I have to give it to Wade...he's fast! Then the rabbit appeared again...and I talked Wade into trying again...LMAO...was soooo worth his attempt...I needed the laugh...He did this slow creeping crawl on his finger tips and tiptoes...OMG...so incredibly worth it. Alas, he wasn't able to catch it again. I just don't think he was putting in 100% effort there. We'll see if the bunny comes back again tonight!

OK...that's it now...I swear!

It was a good week...have to say

So sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I'd like to say I was busy with work or something but I was busy watching TV at work when I didn't have cases. But the cases were few and far between. Then on Thursday I woke up with a migraine and ended up staying home until work out time. It went away around 3 or 4 in the afternoon so it was safe. And then Friday was a half day. Gotta love religious holidays for at least getting me out of work somewhat. So Happy Zombie Jesus Weekend to all those that care. lol Got tired quickly of all the Easter stuff this year. Guess it's just me.

OK...so working out this weekend. I think it went rather well. I didn't fight Wade very much...least not like I have been. I just gave him some very weird looks at times. We did legs on Wednesday and he tried to make it where I couldn't walk on Thursday...maybe he was half to blame for the migraine. But I'll let him slide and blame the wonders of hormones instead...otherwise the coincidence of it all would be just weird. But yeah, we did a lot of new leg workouts...then he made me do some Ab stuff...least I think it was Wednesday...I know it wasn't Thursday...He worked the side Abs. Standing up, holding a weight in one hand...and dropping that hand for 20 and then switch to do the other side. That hurt is just now going away. lol But it felt good.

On Thursday, my legs didn't even want to make it up the stairs to go do cardio. So I thought I would take it easy and do a bike instead of elliptical and treadmill...but the calories per minute was so sad that I gave up after 10 minutes and only 60 calories burned. Screw that. I need to burn more. So I went and did 45 minutes on the treadmill instead. Think I ended up with 450 on the treadmill. Not as much as usual but the legs just were not up for the elliptical. I didn't eat my usual calorie intake on Thursday since we were home...and for some reason, I just can't eat as often as I do at work. So we went to Subway afterwards to try to make up some calories. But we did arms on Thursday and Wade had a few new things to try. He's really starting to bulk up on the weights for Mikey. Our goal is to have him looking like he belongs on the Wrestling circuit in a few months. Guess we're gonna have to look into shaving him too...lol...that should be fun. He assures me it won't be a big deal. I know it'll look great and I've been harping on him to do it for years...but now that it's a reality...should be interesting.

So that was my week of working out. It was good. I think I did very well. I barely fought...I'm sure Wade would say otherwise but my fights weren't serious. This weekend I'm focusing on sewing and cleaning for the party next weekend. I was going to mow...but I think I'll wait till later in the week. I don't have much I want to mow. The weight is coming off slowly. I like to think I'm burning fat but replacing it with muscle which is why the weight digits aren't going down. Don't ruin my illusion. lol Had lunch with a friend on Friday who I haven't seen in quite a few months. He told me it over obvious that I was slimming down. I'll take his word for it. It's hard to notice on a day to day basis. And I didn't let Wade do measurements cos all I cared about was the weight to come down...but now I'm curious...damnit. Oh well. Guess pictures will tell the tale. I want to do a photo shoot soon so hopefully we'll see some changes in those.

OK...till next time...MUAH!

Riding a high right now

We had a great work out last night. OK...I did...Mike was still rather exhausted but I think he had a good work out too. He's really sleepy today...he should have stayed home. I'm having some coffee cos I'm getting addicted again but I'm not using it to wake up. I swear...lol

So, of course last ngiht we got to the gym good and early, straight from work cos what else can we do since we live so far out of the way...And I did 35 on the elliptical and that accounts to bout 400 calories burned! Woohoo! Then I got on the treadmill and did another 300 calories in the next 35 or so minutes. I was feeling the burn and having fun with it. On the elliptical, I even did speed intervals again...but this time I did 2 minutes at a time instead of 1. Then one time I just went to see how fast I could get it going...and wow...that was a shocker...and hard to stop.

Then we went and met with Wade. Evidently yesterday was Arms Day. That's all we really did. I was in a very cheerful/Evil mood so I was having fun. My arms are a bit rubbery today but no major pain yet. They are resting. He really pushed me on doing some push-ups...and I had to adjust his bar placement on my last set...cos I was going to fail basically and I only had to do 15...and that was working the arms to their fail point, not sure if he realized that...he's sneaky so who knows. For our final bit, we went to go do a little Ab workout. He has high hopes of what he thinks I can do. So yeah, I tried and that was a no go. So instead he had me do some slow scissor kicks until fail. Yeah he wanted 4 sets...he got 3 and I said new exercise please...lol...and I got to do an Ab machine so that was least good.

I was impressed with my attitude and my stamina...even if they didn't show how impressed they were...I was happy with myself so it's all good. On the Scissor kicks, when doing them, I didn't feel it in the Abs at all. And I'm like...something ain't working here...but man...afterwards when we went shopping at HEB...OK...I could so feel it then. But today...I'm golden. So it's all good.

This weekend was fun. Saturday I shocked myself and was able to mow the ENTIRE back 1/2 acre in 3 hours. Usually this feat takes me all day or at least 6 hours or so cos of all the breaks I have to take. But not this time. Wooohooo! Things are looking up for me in the stamina department so it's all good. Then we went to town, had some Freebirds (who has Carnita's now and they are SOOOOOOOOOO Yummy!), went to the movies, drooled over Vin in Fast & Furious with the Nikky and Roger, then had Pei Wei, then went home and vegged and then had my leftovers from Pei Wei. :) Leftovers rock. Really expands the dining out experience.

Sunday was Wrestle Mania...and YAY! We had it in HD at the house on our beautimus TV. We had some friends over and had a grand ole time! It was a late night but it was a fun one. We had this huge awesome pork loin that we put on the pit and it was super yummy! We had some slightly overcooked Chicken wings and of course my Cheese Dip with sausage in it. I may or may not have had a moment with some chips and spinach dip as well as a bit of yogurt and granola...but nothing too dangerous is in my house anymore...worst stuff was the Cheesy Pork.

We did eat Cazadore's yesterday for lunch and I did have some chips and Cheesy beef but that wasn't my fault. I wanted Jason's Deli. I got out-voted by the line at Jason's. But I did good and had spinach enchiladas. Then after work out last night I was bad and we had some quick food from Wendy's. But seeing as I burned at least 1000 calories last night and lost .6 pounds from yesterday morning, I'm not too guilty feeling at this time. I was last night though. But I'm over it this morning after the scale was nice to me.

Guess that's it. I hope Wade finally reads my comments on him from last Friday. I was hurt he didn't read them before our work out last night. But I won't let it bother me. :) Hopefully this good positive attitude can last thru-out the week of working out. That would be a first. LOL. But hey, I got started on an excellent note. :) OK...done tooting my own horn...hehehehe

A few revalations...

OK...so Wednesday and Thursday working out was fine. Thursday was a bit worse than Wednesday, but overall it was OK. It's brought to mind a lot of control issues that I have. But I'll get to that in a bit.

I don't even really remember all we did Wednesday night. I know I only quit on one thing merely because it made me feel stupid as hell for doing it. I opted to do lunges instead of repeating that annoying ass slow side crouch walk thingy. On Thursday we started off just fine...we had over an hour of cardio prior to actually starting the work out...maybe that's what drained my mood...I don't know. But we were going along really well and I promised Mike we would go outside if Wade wanted to...and we did...however Wade had crazy plans and I had nothing to do with it. He wanted these frog jumps, Audrey no frog jump...least not till she loses 50 more pounds...sorry. He then wanted side walking squats while tossing a ball back and forth between me and Mike...yeah...hip screamed at me and Audrey no do hip screaming. Then...he wanted increment running...I barely got out of second gear before my shins said...I don't think so...Audrey not doing this either. So well Mike had fun doing a few exercises but we quickly went back inside where Wade couldn't seem to suggest any workouts that I could complete...so I just started doing some of my own. Evidently I was in a mood.

I have to say now that Wade has informed me that he's finally reading this thing. I am glad and I really hope it helps him understand me better. I *know* I am a horrendous client to have to deal with. I fight him on almost everything he suggests. I would not blame him if he went and complained that he has the hardest client to work with. I'll back him up on it. I simply know what I can and can't do some days. He has to admit that most days I banter with him on things but I do everything he asks...except the stairs...my poor shins and all. I at least try it. Give it a good shot. But this brings me to my control issues...

I like to be in control 95% of the time. This is probably partly cos of my personality and probably partly from crappy past relationships where I lost my self identity and my self worth to at least one asshole who mentally and verbally abused me. I was virtually beaten down and was a shell of who I am now. And I won't give that up again. I can be a bit much some days but I do like who I am. I have friends that will vouch for the fact that I'm vibrant and full of life and can be a rather confident person. And I like that. I won't change it.

I made a mistake on Wednesday by telling Wade that I could walk all over him and that that was great...after a short bit of thinking...I realized my error and took the foot out of my mouth and reworded things to state that he, as my trainer, is an excellent fit for me. I need a bit of structure, but too much structure and I rebel. If he had been strict like a drill sergeant and not given me options...I wouldn't be there right now. I would have walked the Hell out and either went and sat on my ass or I would have found another trainer elsewhere. Most likely I would have sat on my ass and evidently really would have disappointed Mikey. I'm glad I stayed, not just for Mikey's sake...but for mine too. I am actually really looking forward to working out now. I know when I can push my body and I know the days when I just can't. I enjoy being self-aware like that. Wade is an excellent fit for us cos he knows how to push us, how to challenge us, but he won't force me to do anything. I don't know if it's his tone or just the way he's figured out how to work with me. I'm sure it makes his job harder cos he's having to think more about options that I won't fight him so much on. But I know he misses it when I'm not so argumentative...he doesn't like scary silent Audrey. I don't either. Trust me Wade, I'm not just saying this cos I know you are reading now. It's the honest truth. Thank you for putting up with me. I know it's not easy.

I guess that's all the revelations I have for today...I look forward to mowing the back 40 tomorrow at least and cleaning the house so we can have a kick-ass Wrestle Mania party on Sunday! Hope everyone has a good weekend.

April Foll's day but not foolin

So here it is a new month...Didn't play any April Fool's jokes...not really in the mood for em. Glad no one really had any for me. So it's Wednesday, Humpday...workout day! Work has actually been a little busy...stupid bad Aggie's getting in the way of my bill paying, TV watching and blog writing. Can't understand why they rather me do actual work instead of my work. I don't get it. LOL

OK...So I just actually scanned back thru and saw people have actually left me some comments! I'm touched. Thanks! I'll try to be more observant of comments coming thru. I really thought this blogger would send me notices of comments. Oh well, maybe I have to tweak something in the settings for that. But seeing comments and knowing people are reading and maybe I'm helping to inspire someone...that rocks! That's why I'm doing this. Cos we all know...I'm a giver. LMAO...OK...that was funny. But no, I feel good to be contributing some way out there to the greater good.

So Monday we worked out with our "friend" Wade. He decided we weren't going to be counting reps...we were gonna be working at a faster pace...get more cardio into the workout. Forget the fact that I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 on the treadmill and burned 620 calories prior to starting...but hey...I'm game to try something new. I did crap out at the end. It was an exercise I can't do very well so I just gave up on my last 2 sets of 4...I didn't think that was so bad. Wade tried to guilt me with a pouty face...that won't work when I have my mind made up. He'll learn. LOL...I think he seriously thinks I hate him. I love striking fear in those around me. :) The fact I keep coming back and am signing up for another month of his kind of fun...that should say something. I haven't asked for a replacement trainer, which is simply cos I'd hate to train a whole new one. Wade was so easy to break in. hehehehe

But Monday night was actually somewhat fun. I just hope this allergy/sinus crap I'm dealing with is just that and not strep like my poor friend Nikky. She can't seem to stay well these days. It's driving the both of us bonkers. And...I can't afford to get sick. We have Wrestle Mania at our place on Sunday. I got company coming over and cleaning and mowing and such to do. Plus I don't have much saved time at work here lately from dealing with my sickness after we got back from Vegas.

So I'm gonna push thru tonight...see what happens...keep pushing the water and maybe I can flush this crap out if it is some bug. Not give it a chance to settle in. Plus I have more sewing to do on this quilt I'm working on. Will need to deliver it in the next couple of weeks. It's not 5 yet and I want it to be so I can get out of this boring place. No Nikky means it's extra boring. LOL...OK...I'm out for now...will try to write again tomorrow.

MUAH!