So last night and today have been a bit rough on me. Some days the hormone overload is just too much to bear. That whole 7-8 days following ovulation hormone surge is a BITCH...I can't control crap at that point.
Trying to not think about testing this week. Just put it outta my mind...forget I have any strips...just hold off on it. I've been having some interesting twinges but Hell, I seem to say that every month. I'm trying to be relaxed. I'm trying not to be totally negative but sometimes I just feel defeated. OK, a lot of last night and this morning I didn't see the point in trying...(sigh)...
So I'm trying to keep busy. Started reading the True Blood books...friend got me started on watching the series Saturday night and so far I'm loving it. The book doesn't read as fast as she said it would but least it's a distraction. Work has been pretty dull...trying to get one idiot's case cleared up but that looks like it's being put off till next week. I'm so sick of that whole case...
Maybe I should plan ahead and up my St John's Wort round this time...maybe that can help my mood and control issues...who knows...I just wanna curl up...sleep...rest...and not think bout any of this. Last night with the craziness I was in, I just fell asleep crying...this is just so damn hard...ugh...Why again did I have to find out I was pregnant last year on the day Michael Jackson died? cos I can't even avoid it if I tried...1st anniversary and all on Friday. It may be a really rough day. If I end up starting on Friday...no one should expect to see me that day. I doubt I'll come outta my cave that day at all...(sigh)...OK...now to go read some more.
I am so sad to read this, you got me through last night I am so sorry I was no help to you. I feel horrible right now.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I do? I know you are going to say nothing but I am here, just like I know you are there for me...if there is anything please let me know and thank you for last night so very much.
Honey...I'm not a very easily consoled person. And honestly...there is nothing to console...just a rush of hormones...nothing red and horrible...just rush of hormones that means I can't control the waterworks. I had no problem talking with you last night. Don't hesitate in the future please. Helping you was a distraction...this month is just the hardest yet cos of anniversaries and such. I still don't feel like an inspiration...to be an inspiration, I have to succeed. Just cos I was able to get pregnant last year, was not succeeding...cos it didn't last. I don't wish that Hell on anyone. Yes it gave me hope that I could get pregnant again...but after a year, so far nadda...I want you and I to both completely succeed...which means having a baby in our arms to love and feed and have grow up to back talk us and make us angrier than we ever thought we could be and also make us love more than we ever thought we could. That, my friend, is success...least in my mind. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteIT was a success - it worked so it will work again and this time it will take - I know it. You are an inspiration because you are still trying and it makes me feel like a lazy butt everytime I want to throw in the towel because I have not gone through nearly what you have or had to experience that tremendous pain. You are still here - fighting - pushing through...so if I throw in the towel I suck! That is what I remind myself :) But I agree with your version of success and see your point and I we have to believe - I just keep reminding myself to do that. Over and Over....
ReplyDeleteTrust me...I've more than wanted to throw in the towel. It's been a rough rough process. I never dreamed it would be this hard. So many people never even have to think bout this stuff...before they know it...boom...and then boom again and again. When Josh and Lisa told me they were pregnant with their littlest...I seriously sunk into a DEEP depression. It lasted for months. Yes I keep bouncing back but only for the fact of I don't know how else to go forward. If I give up...last years' Hell was for nothing...and I can't do that.
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