Tuesday, May 18, 2010

CD23 - Ugh to the wait

So I'm waiting. I'm not the most patient and calm person but I'm trying. It's hard to shut off the brain when I truly need to. I'm getting random twinges that I'm trying not to read too much into. Been going on since Sunday-ish...could be the progesterone, could be tummy...but it seems like it's not tummy...so who knows. I won't be able to even check for a few more days...and even that would be a week early...so there is no point in doing that right? Right?

So Spirit Pig...I make sure he goes where ever I go. When we went to shoot pool Saturday night...he came along and chilling in my purse. When I'm sewing he's watching me...when I'm watching TV, he's watching me...when I'm asleep...you guessed it...he's snoozin and hogging the bed...oh wait...that's just Flash, my dachshund, SP is watching over me from my bedside. He's a good distraction and a good mascot. I'm going back to my pig obsession. I love Piggies. They are so darn cute! And hopefully helpful too!

I'm hoping to get in the pool this week. Last week I had the procedure and it's best not to swim following that and then we had some issues getting it clean and then just when we thought it was good it rained and then it turned greenish. Got that taken care of and then was really wanting to get in it last night when we got home from work and shopping...and BAM...big ole thunderstorm that lasted till after 10. I'm hoping tonight when I get home that all this bright sun shine has helped to warm it up and make it awesome so I can get in and relax, work out and maybe get in some volleyball...who knows. I miss the water so much. Soooo...crossing my fingers I can get home tonight and get in there and it's not too cold still and there are no thunderstorms popping up...

Dang these little twinges...can they please let me know what they mean? Sorry...was distracted but then it came back. They aren't cramps. I'm just acutely aware of my insides after so much poking and prodding and such. It really just feels like a random little tickle/pinch...I don't even want to fathom what it could be. Well I mean, I do fathom...my brain does subconsciously...I can't stop it damnit...I try...I really do. I just have to distract my mind...These are the days where I wish I had ADD or ADHD...and I could just flit from one thought to the next and never allow my brain to hyper-focus on any one pathway...damnit...why was I not cursed with such a wonderful affliction instead of being cursed with infertility...

I do good most days. I swear. I even held together pretty good when I last spoke to my Oma...she had a little minor surgery and I was calling to check on her...she had the nerve to check on me right back. I swear Oma...I wasn't looking for her to do that. But no, we of course went there and talking about pitter-patters of little feet and how that makes the world go round. Yes yes Oma...it does...Yes...yes...it will happen eventually...she knows it will. She is all powerful and all knowing so maybe she knows something I don't. We are going home this weekend so I'll get to go bug her for a few hours and probably end up crying...I always do. Cos that's the wreck I am lately...but I do my best to hold it in. Not doing a great job of it right now and I'm only blogging cos I have a student sitting in my office and this looks more like work than watching Castle on hulu...

OK. Think that's as far as I can go...Nikky's quilt is ready to take to the quilter this weekend and then I can truly finish it...you know...only to start another project. I'm very happy with this quilt. I love the fabrics, I love the colors, I love the design that I came up with. It's frustrating not going straight from a pattern but it's also a bit liberating. Guess that's all I can report today. I will continue to push off my concerns and thoughts I'm having over to Spirit Pig...maybe he can carry the load. He is made outta stone...maybe soon I'll have a big squish-able Spirit Pig that I can let my frustrations out on by squeezing it.

Toodles!

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