So we went and got the shot over the lunch and I gave it to myself in the bathroom. At no point in my life have I ever wanted to become a heroin addict...but this stuff reminds me that I never could. I hate giving myself shots...even with such a thin needle that I don't even feel it. I had a bit of a hot flash right before I injected it and had a vision of the needle breaking off it's so damn thin. I can give blood and I can get blood drawn...no problem...it's me doing it to myself that's hard as Hell for me to do. So...moral of this story...never will I become a heroin addict. :)
Trying not to be too pessimistic. Can't be too optimistic either...dangerous razor fence I straddle each month. Neither side of the fence is good for me. It's a delicate and dangerous balancing act.
So I made ti through the weekend. Mother's Day...not my favorite of holidays. I know I love my Mom and my Oma and all that jazz and appreciate them the entire year round. It's just a commercial holiday made up my the card companies and it's a good way to make people spend money...Don't get me wrong, I feel they need to have a day to be appreciated. Being a mom is hard work I hear...well so is trying to become one. So is going through the hope of becoming one, only to have it dashed with a miscarriage so you feel you will never be a mother. I obviously have some negative feelings bout the day...Technically...I should be a mother by now. I should have a 2-3 month old right bout now...but I don't. I'm still stuck trying. I actually only have a couple more months to try...evidently they will only do Femara for 6 cycles at a time and then I'd have to take a 3-4 month break or go directly to IVF...and I'm afraid to even find out how much that costs...cos I know I can't afford it.
And some have even tried to make me feel better bout Mother's Day for myself...that I'm a mother to all my animals...um...yes...I am Mom to them...but um...sorry. I don't think it compares. I didn't carry them in my womb, I didn't go through labor to deliver them, I didn't breast feed them, I didn't teach them right from wrong...I may have to change diapers on them and all that jazz cos they are morons, but seriously...they are animals. They are not my flesh & blood children. They are my fur & flea covered children. I know people mean well...but I'm a very difficult person to comfort or console or any of that...So I let them say their peace and I move on...as it slowly gnaws at me from the inside.
I did make some progress on my quilt this weekend...but now I'm really out of fabric and have to go in and try to find some more today...here's what I have so far...my most in depth design yet...guess it's for someone special...
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