I'm fed up. I'm angry. I'm mad. I wanna scream. I already bawled till I couldn't breathe a couple of times this morning. Stayed home till noon. Wanted the whole day off but things are hectic and things have to get done in order to remain a grown up.
I'm just really sick and tired. I can't make a decision on where to go from here yet...cos right now I want to quit. This is such a painful process emotionally and physically and financially. Right now I wasted $300 that wasn't really mine. That's how it feels...I've wasted $1200 so far on IUI's that haven't worked. I'm drowning in debt...not free cash so it's really frustrating. I did all I could this month to relax and take it easy and not to stress. I technically have 2 more IUI's I can do...least according to my doc. Everything presents fine to him. Sperm look great, I had a beautiful lining again and a monster follicle. He's doing all he can. He can do everything but make the sperm go in the egg. All I can do is what I do to survive. I don't know. I'm not getting any younger...
Sorry...I should stop cos this isn't helping my mood currently. It's almost 5...and I can go home and try to relax some more. I'm debating on working on the hand stitching on Nikky's blanket so I can give it to her tomorrow when she comes to the office or putting it off...I'm a horrible friend but I'm not sure I can go and spend time with her this weekend right now. She's due to pop soon with a little girl and I'm very happy for her and excited and all that...but it's just too hard for me to be around. I don't know. I know she'd probably do it for me which makes me feel like such a horrible friend...Decisions are not my strong suit today.
OK...signing off and hopefully will be home and zoned out with something before I know it.
If you're a horrible friend then no one has any good friends
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