OK...it's been decided and I'm gonna try my best to keep up with it...The blog is now bout me trying to get pregnant and the Hellish journey it takes us on. I guess I've felt closeted bout all this. It's not that I'm not an open person and if you ask the right questions I won't tell you everything in way too many details that you'll only regret asking...but I don't know. I feel this gives me a voice. other women out there have found theirs in this fight. Now I'm making room for mine. I am Infertile with PCOS...hear me ROAR! LMAO
OK. First thing to know bout me is I can't get through life without a sense of humor. I can't get through this process only on despair. I have to find a happy medium and not be ashamed of when I need to vent and when I need to curl up and cry and when I want to beat my head against the wall or when I need to just scream!
Second thing to know is that this blog is not for the extremely squeamish. If you don't want to read bout the eccentricities of the human reproductive model in the Dr's office...then stop reading. Give up and move on. Cos I will talk bout dildo cam scans for cysts, for follicles, Intro-Uterine Insemination's (IUI's) and a host of other stuff. I'm not shy. I've had Doctor's and Interns look under the trunk and at this point...who cares anymore. I just want a damn child...a red headed one would be preferred...but at this point I'm not picky...there is always hair dye.
So here we go...a brief history...We've been trying to get pregnant since we got married in October of 2002. Just doing the regular married couple thing, thinking we'd have no trouble. End of 2008, we decided we might just need some assistance. Found a Doctor who I thought was great...started the whole process with him at the beginning of 2009. He put me on birth control to reset my system for 6 weeks and then started me on Femara...after 3 months on Femara, we managed to get pregnant and were overjoyed. That was short lived. At about 7.5 weeks i started spotting. Went to the Dr cos of course I was a bit scared. Had the worst internal ultrasound of my life, and by worst, I mean most painful...and saw a heartbeat...signs of life just fine. After a bit more of an extremely painful ultrasound...we left only to go home and miscarry. I'm not fighting the feeling anymore that I blame that horrible Dr...but I continue to go to him for the remainder of the year cos I was in denial. he had to put me on anti-depressants for about a month because I couldn't function. My world had been ripped away from me. We continued on with him for the remainder of 2009. No success and we seriously butted heads on who knew my body better...me or him.
I won and found a new doctor. I love my new Doctor so far. I'm still on Femara and we have had 3 cycles with IUI's. So far nothing has happened. What has happened is my wonderful hubby is on more vitamins and has totally improved everything on his end...and now it's just my body that won't time things right or get everything lined up properly. I'm crossing my fingers that the stars and charts and follicles will align properly this month in the middle of a week so we can get this to freaking work. Each IUI at my Doctor is $300. Not as bad as I feared but not cheap, especially when you are really focused on reducing your debt like we are. So finally I am allowing my wonderful and giving mother to help this month with a loan...that I will pay her back...see it's in writing...it'll have to happen this time.
Each IUI has been it's own interesting and mostly painful story. First was OK, but since it was the first things were rather sore. Second would have been fine but he had to give me a trigger shot to force ovulation because it was a Friday and my follicles hadn't popped yet...that had me where I couldn't walk straight for 3 days my abdomen was so tight. The 3rd was such a pain from the get-go because I was nuts and mentioned we thought some from the last IUI had trickled out...don't ever tell your doctor that if you go through this...cos then he basically left the speculum in, but allowed it to close on my cervix while I laid there and waited for 10-15 minutes...let that sink in...um...OUCH...I had trouble walking out of the office, much less drive home and lay down all day...finally he called me in some meds I could take for the pain. So I'm hoping this next round of IUI will not have any curve balls and nothing will be allowed to be clamped onto my cervix...I will kick him if he tries...
OK...now I have to say...I have a wonderful and supportive husband who loves me through all this craziness. He goes to every single Dr's appointment I go to, is in the room with me in the back with the doctor, Hell, he's his assistant half the time...I think we should be getting a discount. But regardless...he's my rock and I couldn't go through all this without him. I made sure and approved changing this blog over to this format with him before I went through with it. We have no secrets and we are an open book with each other.
So for this cycle...We are currently on Cycle Day 3. Went in for the Day 3 scan to check for cysts that could be blocking follicles...have my next appt for May 11th for a follicle scan unless I ovulate sooner than that. Hoping for an IUI on the 11th or 12th...and then the dreaded wait will begin.
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