ugh

OK...so there are plus and negatives about social media and me...I'm just too open of a damn person. Don't know where I got it from. People ask how I am lately or what's on my mind and they get an earful. I've been trying to not post so much lately bout what I'm going thru but Hell...sometimes I just can't stop myself. So here I am pouring more out there...

This month somehow seems rougher than the few before. I'm sick to death of the process, the emotional roller coaster, the physical stress and pain...ugh. Each cycle I have to pull myself out of the emotional trenches...plant some seeds of hope and keep tending to them but evidently I truly suck at gardening cos every cycle by the end, the seeds I planted are rotten and useless. This month with the procedure and the shot and all...it took me 3 days to physically recover and that wasn't even to 100%, that was just to a workable/walkable state. The financial and physical strain is wearing on me and we've only been with this doctor for 2 months. We've got it worked into the budget but damn our budget doesn't have much giving room at this point. I'm hoping he has a new plan of action or at least something that can give me hope. We will see him Monday morning.

It's hard to find the seeds of hope in my storage area...I think I'm running low. I don't have much hope for this coming month cos with the way things look on the calendar I'm not going to get to do anything I want to do this coming month cos of where stuff falls on days of the week and such. That frustrates me even more...Least we planned ahead with budget and when Mike will be gone at his folks...this just sucks. I can't explain it any other damn way. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm exhausted. I'm drained. And to top it off I totally suck at being comforted. FML