CD5 - Answers at least...

Well been meaning to get to this for the past couple of days but kind of glad I was lazy and waited cos at least now I have more answers. So Month #1 off...had a great month. No expectations, good test to show everything was clear and unblocked...was able to relax and enjoy life. Was able to breathe...it was really good. Then boom I start...now for once I actually had no hormone medication and I had a 28 day textbook length cycle...no expectations...so why was I too down to come to work on Tuesday? Stupid hormones. I think it's just that and that alone. Can't control it...but guess I'm going to have to figure a way to work it out...can't keep taking a day off just cos I'm bleeding. I'm 32...I've been bleeding for MANY years now...it's not a "take a day off from work" excuse. Ugh...

So we went back to the doctor yesterday afternoon. While we were waiting Mikey and I decided that truly, we were barely able to catch our breath in one month after 17 or so months straight of crazy...So we wanted another month off. Explain that to Dr and he's cool with that and decides not to even bother with a scan since we wouldn't be doing anything this month regardless. I mentioned what I noticed this month and that I felt a lot of pain round the time that I ovulate and thought maybe I had...that made him want to check. So he does a scan and sure enough...my left ovary worked to produce a follicle without the help of meds...problem is...that without the meds, it didn't finish the job and it never released. So I have a 25mm "cyst" in that ovary. Couldn't do anything fertility wise this month anyway with it in the way. So I'm going for a month of the pill to make it get reabsorbed...fun times...go back to him on the 21st of September to make sure it's gone and go from there.

So long story short...my body wants to work without meds, but I don't think it can complete a freaking job without the meds...So that's kind of disheartening in itself. Mike is tired of the doctor process...so am I. Neither of us want to have to do this till we die...that's just what it feels like. I'm going with this month break, then see what we can do...maybe do the big guns next cycle and if that don't work...then I don't know...just give up?

I really wish I could be a bystander in all this...not know what I know. They always say knowledge is power...but in this case, knowledge is my prison. I know TOO MUCH bout what every tweak means and what every part of my body seems to do. Hell, I just learned that all these random pains I've had over the years when I've moved funny and felt like I had a twisted gut for a brief intense pain...that was just the cysts in my ovaries from the follicles that never got the message to release. Haven't had that in a long while...cos I've been on the hormone medication for so long so I've had follicles releasing and not hanging around to reabsorb on their own. Stupid Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome...really wish I never met you. I really try not to regret anything in life...everything is something to learn from, to grow from...but F-U PCOS...I wish I never had met you...you SUCK!

OK...I'll try to get outta my pity party and enjoy the next couple of weeks...with the help of the pill, I have NO expectations so maybe when I start again I won't end up home "sick" cos I can't face the world cos my body failed yet again...I think that's it for today...

CD11 - trying to get over being sick

So I'm not even supposed to care what day of this "cycle" I'm on...I'm not supposed to care...but I can't help it...I simply know. I had my HSG yesterday...wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared. It was uncomfy when they were inserting the tube and such but that's completely normal. Supposedly he inflated a balloon as a stopper in my uterus...didn't feel it. I guess I was smart to take the Darvocet about an hour before I went in. I rock. Procedure took no time at all really and was like I said...other than the initial bit, painless. I really could have come back in to work...but seeing as I was dealing with the Throat issue/Viral infection...I just went home to rest anyways...and you never know when the cramping was gonna hit like after the saline procedure...it never hit by the way.

So results of the procedure...everything is great and clear. Fallopian tubes are twisty and turny like they are supposed to be but they are free and clear there is nothing in the uterus that is showing up as an abnormality. Great! Things look awesome...now why the Hell is crap not working...lol...as I said yesterday to a few friends in a text update...Audrey's Mystery Science Theater continues...

My Dr will be so pleased that everything looks perfect again. He loves when everything looks perfect...I do too...just not so much when stuff still doesn't work. But who knows...

That's the update on that in case anybody was out there wondering. Still battling this stupid viral infection that's making me feel like I have Strep throat...again...if I just had tested positive for that, I could have had a damn shot and I'd be feeling much better by now. Instead I get to wait it out...5-10 days if I'm lucky...ugh...broke down and made Mikey make me some mashed taters cos they slide down so easily. Hard to work on the healthy diet when I can't get the healthy stuff down without major pain. But I had two days resting at home and now back at work and dealing OK. Between the scientific minds of myself, Mike and Azure...I'm sick cos my body was in some sort of shock not being fed the fake hormones it's been used to. I'm willing to buy this, but damn it's no fun. I had a good healthy streak working. Nothing but infertility and migraines...I didn't miss actual sickness...not at all...it was nice being so healthy, even if I spend a large portion of time in the Dr's office regardless...ugh

I guess that's enough for today...gonna get home in a bit and relax some more...trying not to overdo it on the actual talking part and working on warm drinks...they go down easier...oh and more mashed potatoes please! Man I missed that! mmm..mmm...mmmmmmmm

oh and on another note...I'm ignoring any little noises I'm getting from Lucy and Ethel right now...which means I'm getting some talking but doing my best to put my fingers in my ears and sing loudly "LALALALALALALAlALALALALALALALALALALA"